In Response to: Headfake by Jake Fuentes on Medium.com
Once those of us who are outraged by President Trump have come home from our demonstrations, what do we do next?
Listen to those you disagree with. They will say much that saddens and angers you. Keep listening. Ask them to say more about the concepts that distress you most. Don’t argue, don’t rebut, don’t press your own case. Keep listening until they begin to bring common values and interests to the surface. Connect with these. Build a bridge to the other founded on such commonalities as love of family, desire for comfort, fear of the unknown or of change. Let the conflicts fall away in the presence of mutuality. Demonstrate trustworthiness and willingness to see that person’s vulnerability without rubbing his/her nose in it. Doing this takes immense patience and the strength not to give in to your own fear.
In many, many cases you will discover that the people you thought were stupid, irrational, evil, are simply afraid for the safety and prosperity of their loved ones, just as you are. They envision a different path to goals that are very much in line with yours.
Very few people want to destroy the planet we live on, raise their children in violent neighborhoods, lose hope for their own futures. True psychopaths are quite rare. But most of us are afraid that the other doesn’t care about us. You have to start by actually caring in the face of blatant disagreement.
Once you have established a quiet, trusting dialog you can begin to listen to the reasoning that has led your conversational partner along his/her chosen path. Basic differences in beliefs about human nature, religious tenets, happenings in the natural world, events of history will emerge between you. Sometimes you will have to agree to disagree. At other times one of you may discover that he or she is holding inconsistent beliefs and values s/he may want to reconsider. New ideas may come up that one or the other of you has never considered before. Remember that this is a time for discovery, not persuasion. You are listening and learning. Don’t offer your own perspective unless asked. The strongest, most lasting changes are the ones a person generates from within, not force by external pressure.
If your listening orgy has been successful, if you can be trusted not to attack or threaten, it is very likely that your former opponent may begin to ask for your point of view. You have demonstrated your interest in how they feel and how they view their actions. You’ve created a safe space for them to explore how you came to your very different conclusions. In other words, how could you have become such a stupid, irrational, evil person?
This process may not result in a change of political party but many other positive outcomes are likely. You’ve established a dialog that can be used for collaboration on apolitical issues and actions such as neighborhood clean up, food-sharing or babysitting. You know where the hot spots of disagreement are and can avoid them in social encounters. You know where deep fears and insecurities lie and can sympathize or possibly relieve some of them. You can now probably engage in civilized political debate without deterioration into attack and name calling because you understand what leads your opponent to his/her position. You will know when to stand fast and when to compromise.
And, should there be any real enemies left, you will know who is seriously dangerous and whom you can tolerate.
Most of governing is a huge void. You can fill that void by exercising your rights and opportunities to control. If you don’t, someone else will, often someone with whom you don’t agree. Elected officials can’t represent the people if the people can’t articulate what they want. Most people have no conscious idea of how they govern themselves, their families, neighborhoods, cities, counties, states, not to mention national governments. Understanding your own values and perspectives at a deep level is key.
It’s also where the political rubber meets the road. So while the public is enthralled with billion-dollar campaigns for elected office and arguing about which official will view their particular beef favorably, those who wield the real power are introducing themselves to the office staff. “I’d like to volunteer for Committee X or Commission Y.” “I’m available for your next opening as a writer or an analyst.” Public opinion about the use of police
We equate voting with performing our “civic duty”. We think “government of the people” can be done by making more and more state and federal laws instead of by being mindful of the billions of small action decisions we collectively make on a daily basis.
The tag line reads: “Since 1979, the federal government has recommended flossing daily to help prevent gum disease and cavities. But according to a new report by the Associated Press, there’s little scientific evidence to support that advice. We’ll drill down into the data, and we want to hear from you: Will the news affect your oral hygiene routine?”
When dealing with personal health, paying attention to statistical probability tells us only how likely it is that a medication or treatment will help us but tells us nothing about how any one person will respond. The bottom line, on flossing or any other medical recommendation, is to look for a personal solution. The fact that a treatment doesn’t work for 99 out of 100 people does not prove it will not work for you or me.
Nadia Dennis
From a societal perspective, it’s probably not a good idea for businesses to piss off their customers. If you do a web search using keywords ‘hate’ and ‘AT&T’ you’ll find plenty of evidence supporting the growing dissatisfaction with the customer service provided by this large corporation. Such frustration is not unique to AT&T. It begins when consumers try to contact the company and must thread their way through a maze of automated options and recorded voices professing delight, sorrow and desire to please. It often ends with a meaningless survey.
(https://www.globalinnovationexchange.org)
You may find this blog repeats my comments from the previous two on the Valley Fire. Sorry, but each time I try to capture my ideas in text it comes out a little differently. My hope is that you will respond to these published essays by telling me what you think will work, what doesn’t make sense and how we can work together to implement any ideas that resonate with you. So…
