Author Archives: Liza Loop

by | January 22, 2025 · 9:15 pm

Wide-Eyed Child

by Liza Loop, 2010

 

photo by Allan Mas

Dear beautiful wide-eyed child,
We knew each other once
But then I lost you.
Lost you to determined pedals Pushed forward at the top of their arc, Left and then right, left and right.Lost you to the un-wet bed, the hung-up clothes, The stuffed toys put in rows.
Remember stepping into the garden pool
With one high-topped leather shoe,

The wonder of the ant on the peony
And the chaffer eating the rose,
The sweet smell of the rose, the sharpness of the thistle,
The softness of the kitten and the wriggle of the hamster’s toes? You were valiant in your fight against extinction,
Persistent in the giggle and the squirm.
You sang and twirled and rolled down hills,
Invented modern art, progressive jazz
And transcendental meditation.
But the urge to know and learn seduced you.
The pond of pleasing others sucked you down to its swampy bottom And held you there.
You burst into the kinders’ garden intoxicated,
Unaware that addiction to achievement and success
Would yield asphyxiation.
While once you scampered after butterfly, then bird,
Now you lumber toward the good.
The kiss that used to simply sing, “Oh happy me”
Has now become a slave to love and duty.

Somewhere deep inside the folds of my being You still whisper, “Oooh! Look! Why?”
Your smile’s reflected in the mirror of my tears. I strain against quilts of education,

Held tight around me by laces of criticism, Walled in by obligation and padlocked
By the admonitions, “Don’t be selfish.”

You were never selfish. What we told you was: “Don’t be.”
I’m walking to the twilight of my life.
I want you back.

I want you free.

copyright (c) Liza Loop 2010, Mountain View, CA USA

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New Practices for Year 80 – Episode 2

It has been close to 6 months since I started practicing being 80 and almost three months since I wrote Episode 1. A lot has changed, most of it good…

I submitted my resignation as Executive Director of the nonprofit I started 50 years ago – – effective Nov. 3, 2025.

 

My oldest grandson turned 21 and I went to his birthday party. He is surrounded by talented bakers!

 

I’ve walked around my town or into the countryside even though it’s often dark and rainy. I’m counting my steps and competing with myself to equal or surpass the number each day. Not by much, just a little.

 

I had a relaxed visit with my first born and his family in Washington state. Playing cards was a favorite occupation of my grandparents.

 

Most importantly, I’ve stopped filling my calendar with more appointments and tasks than I can manage in each day.

Sometimes people ask me what I’m going to do with myself now that I’m retiring. It seems like a funny question since I’ve had the privilege of doing whatever work I chose for most of my life. The difference is that I’m not going to push myself any more. I can stop trying to prove I’m worthy of the advantages I was born with.

The results are blooming already. I’m sleeping better and am less depressed. Perhaps I’m accomplishing less but I’m still feeling better about it.

Next time I’ll tell you more about the things I am doing. They’re not all wonderful. Certainly I will continue to think, write, and talk to people around the world about learning and education. I’m also darning that pile of old socks full of holes and learning to make bread in a dutch oven.

All these things require practice.

 

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by | January 3, 2025 · 1:33 pm
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Mother and Our Three Dogs

This is my first experiment with posting my audio recordings. I made this one on my 63rd birthday during a period when I was trying to sort out how my childhood experiences have shaped my personality, character, and adult behavior.

All of us have had some trauma as we grew up. Challenges are part of life. For many of us, the small, vaguely remembered incidents may have had more influence than those lightbulb events we usually label as psychologically impactful. This is a recollection of three incidents that I rarely associate with my mental health issues of depression, fear of abandonment, and anxiety over challenging authority. Don’t get me wrong. I love animals – horses and dogs especially, cats too but not as much. My childhood home was always teaming with critters – familiar domestic pets, captured or wounded wild ones, and science experiments. Most of my memories are of gratifying interactions. But these three probably deserve some further reflection.

Click on the white triangle below to listen. It takes a few seconds for the audio to load before starting.

Bloodhound Dog with long ears on floor.

The original Liza’s ears drooped on the floor when she slept. Pepper would lie like this at the foot of Mother’s bed.

Trippy was always alert for a game or a chase, even a car.

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by | November 16, 2024 · 12:02 pm
by | October 13, 2024 · 2:02 pm

Practicing Being 80 – Episode 1

Very few of us have had the privilege of being taught how to grow old. For most of us, this is a process of discovery. I began my  80th year a few months ago and I’m trying to figure out how to play the game of life in this last phase. How did I get

from this:

 

 

 

to this:

I wake up each morning in my cozy bed and stretch. What hurts today? Will I be hot, cold, or comfortable if I move the covers? Will I wet the bed if I don’t immediately rush to the bathroom? What do I absolutely have to get done today? Does it matter what I wear? Do I have to get dressed at all? What would I enjoy doing today? What is the purpose of my life in this “end-game” stage?

Others are raising their grandchildren, running countries, or meeting adoring crowds at 80. Although I am apparently healthy, I don’t have that much energy.  I dread taking on new obligations and the isolation of the pandemic has gotten me used to staying at home. My income is stable, my daily needs are met. My children and grandchildren are doing well. In spite of all this good fortune I feel immersed in a pool of sadness. How do I make this an era of joy and satisfaction?

 

Perhaps the problem I am facing now began in my early teen years. That’s me in the middle  of a class picture – maybe 6th grade. I felt like the ugly, brainy outsider and retreated into intellectual oddity.

I’ve learned to cover up the alienation from myself and others, to say the culturally appropriate thing and deflect attention away from myself and onto others. I’ve devoted my life to modernizing education and other “high impact” social causes. I’ve accomplished enough, given enough, to feel I’ve paid any debt owed to my society.

When I tell people I’ve been fighting depression all my life they respond, “Oh no, not you, Liza. You’re always smiling and right on top of things.” That’s what it looks like from the outside because I have made sure nobody sees me when I’m vulnerable and can’t cope.

 

80 is different. I’m no longer climbing  a career ladder or building institutions. I’m cleaning up the messes in preparation for passing on all those responsibilities. But it’s the met responsibilities, the fulfilled obligations, the kept promises that have gotten me out of bed in the past. That pressure has been a dike that kept the depression within its banks and the alienation at bay. Now my psychological armor is peeling away and I’m having to face my inner demons without the excuse that focusing on myself is somehow “selfish”.

It’s time to reconnect with the curious, exploratory, hopeful character I was as an infant, a toddler, a child before “self” became “selfish”. And you’ll just have to wait and see whether I ever feel like writing Episode 2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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by | February 18, 2024 · 10:10 pm

ChatGPT Promises not to Make Things Up

There are lots of fun and practical  ways to use the powerful Large Language Model known as chatGPT. But when you want reliable information, watch out. This evening I asked chatGPT, version 3.5, to help me with some research on Open Educational Resources (OER). These are free or very low cost textbooks, short lessons, videos, etc. that any of us can use to learn about almost anything that is taught in schools – nursery school through professional training. I’ll show you parts of the conversation transcript in a minute. But here’s the punchline of this post:

So for any of you who are worried about whether OpenAI, (chatGPT’s corporate parent) is going to stop pretending to provide real, reliable answers to our questions, here’s their promise to cease and desist.

How did we get here? Well, one of the biggest problems with OER is that it can be very difficult to find the right instructional material for what you want to learn. Teachers and instructional designers compose these lessons, or sometimes even whole textbooks or courses, and submit them to organizations called Repositories that act like public libraries. There are many thousands of titles in Repositories waiting for you to discover and use them for free, either by downloading them to your smart phone, tablet, or computer, or by logging into the ‘cloud’ where they live and using them online. So which one is right for you? You have to search the Repository – each Repository – using a limited list of keywords, words like language (English, Spanish, Chinese), audience level (1st grade, high school, beginner, adult), or subject (biology, arithmetic, Python programming). However, each Repository’s search features are a little different. Hmmm, is this a problem chatGPT can help solve?

I started by asking for a list of repositories.

This is good and now you also know where to look for free textbooks, etc. Type one of these repository names into your search engine and start exploring.

Next I wanted to know what keywords we can use to filter the search results for each of these repositories, so I asked the machine… 

You can see from the response I got that chatGPT didn’t understand what I was asking for. All three lists were the same.

 

So I fiddled around with the way I asked for the lists and finally got something that looks about right. I had to ask for a comparison of just two repositories rather than all twenty at once.

Wow! This is just what I wanted. It looks like OER Commons and MERLOT both have 15 search parameters, they share 11 and each have 4 that they don’t share. Now maybe the machine has ‘learned’ enough to generate the lists for all 20 Repositories.

Nope, we’re not doing that. Suddenly we’re back to “commonly provided” and “parameters may vary” when what I want to know is exactly how they vary. This makes me question the responses provided about OER Commons and MERLOT. If the AI can give me accurate answers about two repositories why can’t it do 20. Isn’t the ability to do the same dull task over and over the very reason we humans want to use this technology? Here’s what happens next…

The wording on the OER Commons and MERLOT lists did not indicate these were “possible”, “typical”, or “likely”. It says these are the “unique parameters”. Is this accurate or fake information?

Hey Buddy, this is not “oversight”, this is misrepresentation. First you said, “Here’s the real stuff” when you were just blowing smoke. I won’t find out whether the information is trustworthy or not unless I already know enough to spot fake news and challenge you on it. When challenged you tell me your answer was incorrect. This disclaimer should come before the beautifully worded but untrue essay, not after. This is what make AI dangerous to the non-expert. 

When challenged, chatGPT back peddles, pretends it has human emotions, and then promises to reform its reprobate ways…

Is there any reason to believe this string of characters carries any more veracity than the ones that have come before? Who is speaking/typing/communicating here? Is there any author? Any accountability? 

 

I don’t give up easily so here’s my further challenge…

We are back to the beginning of this post. We have a public statement from Open AI:

“This response is a public statement from OpenAI, indicating a commitment to transparency and accuracy in interactions with all users. It applies to all interactions conducted by the AI model, not just those with you. Thank you for prompting this clarification, and I appreciate your understanding.”

Now it’s up to us users to hold OpenAI and all other purveyors of LLMs accountable for the statements their machines create no matter what prompts we give them.

I suspect the fine print in the user agreements we all have to commit to in advance of using chatGPT will make it impossible to take legal action against OpenAI. But we can still vote with our dollars, with our feet, and with our communications to the developers of these products. Take the time to speak out if you are as bothered as I am by the directions the AI movement is taking.  So far, AI is like a toddler running around with no judgement and a risk of stumbling into the fire. We are the adults (well, some of us anyway). LLMs as well as other AI technologies can grow into marvelous additions to the human environment.  But we’re going to have to socialize them and not permit them to embody, no, simulate the worst qualities of human beings. This little tale is just one example of how we can go wrong.

See this whole chatGPT session, here: https://chat.openai.com/share/431ce57e-9fd4-48b1-bb42-70a7c37339f2

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by | January 14, 2024 · 3:49 pm

Greater Meanings: a very short story

Greater Meanings         

a very short story by Liza Loop

.

Pitar smiled down at the tiny baby in his arms. A girl this time. Two weeks old and she was perfect. His gaze drifted out the opening of the hut to Anhout rubbing his stubby fingers in the dirt of the yard. It had taken him five years to learn to walk but he would never run like his father. Still, Pitar’s heart was full of joy and pride. Three live children whose mother loved and cared for them. Not many in his village of five hundred families had been so lucky. Abile was already twelve, fully able-bodied and apparently fertile. Pitar very well might have grandchildren.

Sadness, too, flickered across Pitar’s face as he strolled toward the beach where the dolphins capered just beyond the surf. The age of humans is long over, he thought. Not as far away as the dinosaurs but, like them, we are no longer the dominant species. The dolphins remembered the history of their planet and had been willing to share the story once humans had deciphered their language. It wasn’t a pretty tale. Abile, who grew up immersed in dolphin culture didn’t seem to mind at all, had, in fact laughingly asked, “What’s gold” whenever Pitar mentioned the human golden age. But Pitar’s grandmother was raised among living memories of “the change” and “the disaster war” so Pitar still harbored visions of a human community of builders and conquerors. They said there were “billions” of humans and that they nearly destroyed the world for everyone. “You’re better off without all that hoi polloi,” the dolphins said. “Life has no meaning beyond the moment, no greater purpose,” and they jokingly pronounced it “porpoise” and splashed the listeners.

Suddenly Abile streaked across the strand and disappeared into the surf only to emerge amid the swarm of churning flukes and rounded brows. “Be careful,” Pitar yelled, “you could get hurt.” Abile, astride one of his many friends waved at his father as they rounded the point, out of sight. Anhout, who had toddled down the beach to a convenient tide pool, began to scootch toward the opening to the sea. Although handicapped on land, Anhout was already an excellent swimmer. He dove, surfaced and throw a live crab onto the beach at his father’s feet.

“Maybe humanity isn’t doomed,” Pitar said aloud to the baby.

The End

copyright 2017 Guerneville, CA

This story just told itself to me one day. 
I thought it was going to be longer 
but when I wrote that last sentence 
there was just no more to say.

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by | · 3:27 pm

Old and Grumpy Song

Sometimes I write rhythmic prose that needs a melody to become a song. If you like this one and can put it to music, please record your rendition and share it with us.

Old and Grumpy Song

I don’t like women and I don’t like men

I have been grumpy since I can’t remember when

The kids are noisy and the cashier is rude

You’d better watch your step; I’m in a really bad mood!

 

Everything around me is beginning to fall apart

My feet are always aching and I have a bad heart

Every friggin’ day I’m worried about my health

Think I’ll just sit down right here and feel sorry for myself

 

I gotta’ do the dishes or they’re covered in slime

But still they just get dirty so it’s all a waste of time

I really should get up and take the time to make my bed

But I’m so gull darn grumpy gonna’ lie right here instead

 

Growing old is very painful and it just ain’t fair

My neighbors ignore me and my family’s off somewhere

I’m so lonely, bored and frightened that I’m often moved to tears

And with modern medication, – – ah shit! – – , this is going to last for years

 

angry old woman

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by | July 11, 2023 · 11:25 am

Calling all climate change spokespeople

 

As a systems thinker, I am concerned that most messaging about climate change and sustainability is too simplistic to promote useful individual action – simplistic and short sighted. The biggest problem is that we leave human population growth out of the equation.

We urge people to make changes in their daily activities as if that will be sufficient to arrest anthropocentric climate effects. We fail to point out that even if they live more simply and burn fewer fossil fuels, our bloated population will still spend the Earth’s natural capital at a rate that exceeds the ecosystem’s ability to replenish itself. We need both population control/decrease and reduced per capita consumption to erase the human impact on global climate.

 

 

Reducing consumption is harder than it looks at first glance. Take plastic bags, for example. Plastic bags and containers are very convenient and, given the extensive development of the petroleum industry, inexpensive. Companies like the one shown here advocate buying new but reusable plastic products as a pathway to reducing consumption. This allows people to feel virtuous without seriously impacting the problem.

 

 

 

Here’s another example. The reason for the collapse of the cliff underneath this road may be either natural or human initiated climate change. But we consider it to be a disaster because of the inconvenience and expense to humans. If there we fewer of us, or if we were not in so much of a hurry, we humans would simply walk around the slide area.

 

 

An additional concept that I encounter frequently is the idea that climate change damages the Earth. This is human-centric shortsightedness. On a millennial time scale, Earth’s climate is continuously in flux. Today’s changes are inconvenient for humans, especially those who want the future to be like the past. Ancient humans, living under low population conditions, picked up and moved when the local weather or climate became inhospitable. But we have grown so numerous that there are no more unoccupied, human-friendly habitats to move to. People we used to call ‘nomads’ have been renamed ‘climate refugees’ and niches for them to fill have become scarce. Even if we succeed in reducing human generated global warming there will still be naturally occurring climate change. Our success as a species has been based on our ability to adapt to whatever conditions we encounter. This will longer be possible if population pressure requires us a) to stay in one place, b) to deplete needed local resources such as fresh water and clean air, and c) to adopt social attitudes that resist change in the cultural practices that permit us to adapt to new conditions.

I understand that these are complex ideas which are difficult to craft into short sound bites. But the problem is complex. I hope you will agree with me that these messages are important.

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by | May 3, 2023 · 3:30 pm

Is climate change going to wipe out humanity? No!

Desolated city

Creator: gremlin Credit: Getty Images

The disastrous effects of a changing climate – famine, floods, fires and extreme heat – threaten our very existence.

https://www.un.org/en/content/common-agenda-report/summary.shtml

This quote, from the very first page of the United Nations Common Agenda Report Summary, is wrong. Yes, there is a very real threat – but it isn’t a threat to the “very existence” of humanity. It is highly unlikely that climate change will cause such widespread death in the human population to reduce the 7,953,952,577 or so individuals now alive down to the 500 or so that would be necessary to repopulate the Earth.

What is threatened? The way of life enjoyed by the wealthy people who live in the richest nations on the planet. Yes, the poor are likely to die first under the influence of climate degradation. The wealthy will be able to move inland, to higher ground, or further from the Equator. They will be able to buy expensive food and build fire resistant, air conditioned homes. Yes, quality of life is likely to decline even for the rich. But no, climate change is not going to wipe out the human race. A comet strike? That could do it. Huge solar flares? Possibly. Global nuclear war? We might not survive that. But climate warming due to human activity? This is a self-regulating problem.

Why is climate change self-regulating? Because, as changing climate conditions kills off our excessive population, poorest first, it will also decrease the industrial activity that causes it. Humans will lose the technical capacity to keep pumping carbon and other pollutants into the atmosphere. Without such interference the planet will reach equilibrium again. Overall mean temperatures may be hotter than the previous they have been in more than 100,000 years but, as a species, we are likely to adapt.

 

The last time the Earth was this warm was 125,000 years ago

https://www.usatoday.com/story/weather/2017/01/18/hottest-year-on-record/96713338/

 

Modern humans have been around at least 196,000 years and maybe as much as 300,000 years.  (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_modern_human). They have lived through major climate changes that they did not cause. Some of us more modern people will too.

I’m not suggesting that there is nothing to worry about. The possibility of knocking human progress back to the stone age is no laughing matter. The likelihood of a global population collapse as cultures struggle to adapt to warmer and more volatile weather is not fun to contemplate. But does exaggerating the consequences of climate change help or hinder the popular crusade to halt human impact on planet-wide weather? By suggesting that the human race will not survive we make it easier to dismiss the whole issue.

IMHO, overstating the consequences of climate change empowers climate change deniers.

Flames rise from the remains of a house that burned down in Santa Rosa. (Jeff Chiu/AP)

 

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