Sometimes I wonder whether it’s possible to do anything good on social media, especially Facebook. So many discussions rapidly deteriorate into either name calling or reinforcing one’s own bias. Today I had a Facebook interchange I feel pretty good about. I’ll share it with you and I’d like to hear what you think.
The interaction started when I came across this post on my Newsfeed. It originated in the Science, Technology, and Society Discussion Group (Public) which I follow.
Here’s the post
3h
Happening NOW:
Today is early voting in Virginia and Trump supporters are physically blocking the entrance to the polling site in Fairfax. Earlier this week, Trump’s HHS official told Trump supporters to arm themselves, stockpile ammo, and be ready to take the streets to terrorize Democrats. Apparently they heard the call. What’s your impression?
Photo Anthony Tilghman
Visit the Voting Information Center for election resources and official updates.
Note that the picture with the post is a still, not a video. It shows the crowd but not the entrance to the polling place. It was posted 3 hours before I saw it at about 6 pm Pacific Time. So back up 3 hours to when the post was made, that would be 3 pm Pacific and forward another 3 hours to be Virginia time. That means “Happening NOW:” would have been going on in Virginia at about 6 pm Virginia time. Did I get that right? I wasn’t worried about the actual time of the event until later in the story. Let’s go on with the Facebook posts.
As is my usual process, I checked the comments:
Heather Hulett
That’s illegal. Arrest them.
Yup, I would agree. My impression is: I wonder if I have the whole story. Next comment:
· Reply ·
Lisa Maas Martin
Blocking someone from.voting is against the law. The police need to get involved.
Hmmm. Sounds bad. Next Comment:
· Reply ·
James Morales
This is increasingly looking like its going to be a bloody next few months
This certainly could get a liberal all riled up. I’m basically a pacifist and not looking forward to armed clashes over voting. So I posted the next comment:
· Reply ·
Liza Loop
Has anyone fact-checked this post? Crowds obstructing voting is a real problem if it is true.
This seemed a reasonable question to me. There’s a lot of fake news on Facebook all across the political spectrum. Here’s the response on my newsfeed:
· Reply ·
Cathy Fuller B Cat
Author
Liza Loop I understand you don’t know me. If you did you would know not to question anything I post. All of it has been verified! Look it up yourself!
Oh, snippy! Don’t mind if I do look it up. Next reply:
· Reply
· 22m
Cathy Fuller B Cat
Author
Liza Loop https://www.fox5dc.com/…/trump-supporters-protest…
- FOX5DC.COM
Trump supporters protest outside Fairfax early voting site
Trump supporters protest outside Fairfax early voting site
Good. I can use this. I’m going to look it up in a minute but first I want to answer Cathy:
Reply ·
Liza Loop
Cathy Fuller B Cat Great Cathy. Please don’t be insulted that I advocate fact checking. I do this for all posts, not just you. Thank you for the reference. What do you suggest those of us who are outraged by this do beyond voting?
Be calm, Liza. Be reasonable. But I do wonder why she would take the position that her public posts shouldn’t have been verified, especially a report from Fox News, that most reliable of sources (not). And I’m always searching for people who will be part of the solution, not simply those who stop after whipping us up about the problem. She did honor me with a reply (not everyone does):
Reply ·
Cathy Fuller B Cat
Author
Liza Loop I wish I knew. They are following the lead of their leader. He gets away with things he shouldn’t so I guess they will follow suit. It’s really infuriating. Vote and speak out to all the wrong. Beyond that, I am at a loss.
And now we get to the part that worries me the most – An infuriated liberal who is speaking out inflammatory words (as is her constitutional right) without any idea how to improve the situation. Well, Cathy, I’m not at a loss. I do have ideas. Some of them are pretty Pollyanna but at least they are better than inciting a riot between right-wing, possibly armed, protesters and armed police, many of whom are likely to sympathize more with the protesters than the laws they are bound to enforce. So I post my Pollyanna advice:
· Reply ·
I recommend listening, especially to those you seriously disagree with. Get them to tell you why they believe what they do. Ask them to elaborate, define, explain. Don’t argue or attempt to persuade. Try to find points of commonality. We all love our children and want a better world for them. We want comfort and security for ourselves. We just choose very different ways to get there. By listening you build trust and empathy. Without those two, all you have is confrontation which isn’t a very effective way to win hearts and minds or to change opinions. Listening is a tough assignment that requires patience and a tight rein on the fury many of us experience on hearing misguided arguments. If you listen to another you increase the likelihood the s/he will listen to her/himself. Sometimes that will begin the process of self-doubt and questioning entrenched beliefs. Keep in mind that underneath all that posturing and bluster is very deep fear. Your empathy is the first step to building the courage to face that fear and overcome it.
Having said my peace (or is that ‘piece’), I go back to the process of fact checking by actually reading the online Fox News article. It showed video of the protesters taken around 10 am, presumably Virginia time. It showed them at the required distance from the entrance to the polls, a detail that was not in Cathy’s still picture. The commentary said:
Tilghman tells FOX 5 that the protesters first blocked the entrance to the polling site before officials forced them to move 40 feet away as required by law…Tilghman reported that election officials eventually moved voters waiting in line inside because of the protests.
So a law was broken when the protesters got too close to the polling place but was resolved peacefully when they moved back. Biden supporters may find it unpleasant to have a noisy, pro-Trump rally going on but that’s free speech, not a crime. I’m glad I checked. And I’m glad I didn’t join the Facebook chorus of ‘arrest them, call the police, there’s gonna’ be bloodshed.’ Yes, Cathy, you posted the truth but not the whole truth. And we can see how your approach is a similar kind of rabble rousing that we so deplore in the current President. As I replied to Cathy, “underneath all that posturing and bluster is very deep fear. Your empathy is the first step to building the courage to face that fear and overcome it.” Have I taken my own advice and been empathetic with Cathy’s fear. Apparently not, here’s what she posted back:
Reply
Author
Liza Loop
I have tried that for months. Years. It does not work here in my area. They will not cite their feelings on any issues other than guns and abortions. The most common response I get on social media is trump 2020 with flags galore or trump train 2020 with a matching gifs or memes. I am surrounded here by solid red with the exception of a few like minded friends. They won’t read even short articles. And even if they see a video or audio recording of him as proof, I am told that it’s fake news. Hopefully y’all that are in different areas have better luck than I’ve had around here. I have lived here most all my life but I never knew there were so many racists around me until trump. I am now surrounded by his racist cult. I fear it will only get worse after Nov. 4.
Hmmm, how do I practice what I preach? Although I don’t know how to get Facebook to show me her full profile (we aren’t exactly ‘friends’), it looks like Cathy hails from Georgia or Tennessee. Clearly she’s upset and scared about the future. There’s a picture of a little boy on a swing. My grandson has the same swing. Maybe we’ll get a chance to chat about babies and swings – apolitical, trust promoting. So I try again:
Reply
I share your fear, Cathy Fuller B Cat. But I’m not convinced you have actually tried what I’m suggesting. ‘Citing feelings’ about topics you actually agree on, how cute that baby is and how much you hope he will grow up safe and loved, for example, is very different from challenging someone’s values or political positions. I suspect even your racist neighbors would still be willing to tell you whether they prefer apple or rhubarb pie. To build the kind of trust I’m talking about you have to start with ‘unloaded’ feelings and opinions, ones that aren’t likely to brew up a storm if you happen to disagree. “Coffee or tea? Sugar? No, how about cream? I also have almond milk if you prefer.” It’s a long, slow process and we are facing multiple crises: political, economic and ecological. There’s urgency in the air on both sides. But you know, when the fire is a mile up the road and coming your way, you really don’t care whether your neighbor is a Trump supporter or not. You want to know whether she has a hose and is willing to use it on your house. When the fire is out you can share an apple pie and rock the baby. Sometime after that you might ask whether your neighbor knows whether the forest that burned was managed by your State or the Feds. Don’t tell her. Just ask. After all, you helped save her house, too.
No response from Cathy, yet, but it’s getting late on the east coast, time for dinner here in California. Apple pie for me, I don’t like rhubarb. The Walbridge fire is still smoldering less than 2 miles from my house. It’s mostly out but we still have our hoses at ready. The forest near me is actually managed by the State of California so Trump’s accusations about who should have cleared the brush are not completely wrong. However, the smoke I’m smelling tonight is coming from a national forest northeast of me. The buck stops with Trump on that one. I don’t think any of us is all right or all wrong. And I do think Trump is dangerous, scary, crazy.
The real enemy is the fear and being “at a loss”. Fear makes us cling to ideologies, paralyzes our ability to generate creative new solutions, keeps us from trying new processes, leaves us “at a loss”. We start with fearing what may happen in the future and progress to fearing each other and opinions that diverge from our own. Cathy and I probably share many political positions in common, have similar aspirations for our children and grandchildren, would furnish ‘a better world’ with the same kind of tables and chairs. I feel good about our recent exchange on Facebook. She has voiced her fear and had some of her ideas validated. I’ve had an opportunity suggest some alternative approaches to political conflict. I’m hopeful our conversation will generate some thoughtful reflection among its readers…
Oops! I spoke too soon. This just in:
Author
Liza LoopI take offense to both of your comments. Who are you to question what I do? Maybe you’re not convinced of anything I say because I don’t care if you’re convinced. You are none of my concern.
Clearly I need more practice to get the ‘preaching’ out of my Facebook responses. I’m sorry I’ve offended you, Cathy. If I’m really none of your concern then you won’t mind what I say next. Facebook is a funny mixture of public and private utterances. When we share our posts we are issuing an invitation for agreement, contradiction, rational/logical arguments and rebuttals. We are exposing ourselves to judgment by random web surfers whose opinions may or may not be useful to us. In spite of Cathy’s response, I appreciate the opportunity her posts have given me to air my point of view. I hope some readers will find listening with compassion, as compared to lashing out in fear, to be a useful strategy as they pursue their political agendas. As I wind up this article the conversation is still going on with others chiming in. There is some chance it will generate a “positive political discussion”. I won’t question what Cathy does any further. And I don’t think I’ll shut down my Facebook account just yet.