{"id":1292,"date":"2025-07-10T13:56:59","date_gmt":"2025-07-10T20:56:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loopcntr.net\/musings\/?p=1292"},"modified":"2025-07-10T13:56:59","modified_gmt":"2025-07-10T20:56:59","slug":"spontaneous-calls-broken-appointments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loopcntr.net\/musings\/spontaneous-calls-broken-appointments\/","title":{"rendered":"Spontaneous calls – broken appointments"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

For years, I\u2019ve been telling people I\u2019m very flexible with my schedule. I invite them to call me anytime. This morning a colleague sent me a text requesting that we cancel a weekly meeting with about a half hour notice. I found this really annoying. Why was she being so rude? Of course, I agreed to cancel the meeting, but then I thought about it. How had I indicated to her that this was an appropriate action?

What do we mean when we say our schedule is flexible? Well it means we are willing to change it, but the consequences of spontaneous interactions compared to canceled appointments are really important.

When a spontaneous call comes in, I have the flexibility to accept the call or let it go to voicemail. If I don\u2019t want to be interrupted, I can set my phone so it doesn\u2019t ring at all. If you send me an email I have the choice as to when I read it.

Breaking an appointment at the last minute has an entirely different effect. When I have a scheduled appointment, I build the rest of my day around that commitment. The first appointment decreases my flexibility to arrange to meet someone else at that time. It impacts when I eat, when I sleep, when I exercise, how I prepare to do an intensive bit of solo work. If you text me at 9:30 to request, we cancel a 10 o\u2019clock appointment, I have to rethink everything else. And, although I do have a choice, I could refuse to cancel the appointment, it\u2019s not likely to be a very satisfactory meeting since you don\u2019t want to be there.

Of course, a cancellation also opens up some space for me to add a task or take an extra break. It\u2019s the sense of control, the ability to accept or reject the change, that makes the difference.

Not only does a last minute cancellation of an appointment shake up my day, it impacts our relationship if it happens frequently. It makes me wonder what other agreements that we have made will be subject to one sided, last-minute revision. I begin to question whether I can trust what you say to me.

This kind of relationship friction is never the fault of a single party. I accept that I was the one who claimed flexibility. Having thought this concept through a little more thoroughly, I\u2019ll probably explain myself better in the future. If you say you\u2019ll do something or be somewhere, I\u2019ll expect that to happen. I understand that it\u2019s only a prediction, but in most situations, we know a day or two in advance, whether we are likely to be able to make that meeting or deliver something on time. Unless I hear from you a day or two in advance, I\u2019ll trust what you previously said to me. Cancellations and revisions are fine, but not at the last moment. That doesn\u2019t mean that every brainstorm must be delayed until a future appointment can be made. I might be stuck in the middle of a demanding task and wishing for an interruption, but you don\u2019t know that. So, when you take the chance of phoning me with no warning, I just might be delighted to chat with you – I\u2019m flexible when I still have the power to accept or reject the change in my planned day. When you cancel a slot that I have reserved for you with effectively no notice, be aware that I am keeping score. You have just lost a few points on my flexibility meter.<\/p>\r\n

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